: There are basically 3 types of quests: “Go kill stuff for me”-quests, “I need shit”-quests, and “find this thing for me, jerk”-quests. “Go kill stuff for me” is kill x amount of x thing and then come back. And, somehow they’ve been keeping track of what you’ve been killing by installing a hidden crotch-cam to make SURE you do the work. “I need shit” is “kill stuff for me” but now, they drop LOOT you need to pick up! Only now there’s a new element, it’s a percent drop! As in, an item has x% chance of dropping. The first quest has a 100% chance of dropping the item you need…where as a later level might only have 80%, so you end up killing a couple more and not getting anything. And later on, only 40%.

: Well that sucks.
; KINDA. But you get XP as you’re killing these things, and when you get all the stuff, you get 10 times as much as killing something. So…yeah.
: Well what about “find this thing for me, jerk”?
: …that’s not obvious?
: That’s: you need to find some person or place, then tell them you found it.
:…okay….why?
: That’s either because the quest giver is probably gonna tell you to go there to “kill stuff and find shit” or there’s new people there than want you to kill stuff and find shit for them. Only now, everything’s a higher level.
: And the cycle begins anew!

: So. Wait. No Story? No point? You go kill stuff. It’s like a 3D version of double dragon?
: Didn’t you like Double-Dragon?
: Well. Yeah – but
: This works because you play with other people. You can make friends really easy and you already know they like playing games, specifically, the one you’re playing. Hell, Ame found her damn boyfriend on WoW.

: LOSER.
: *TWACK*
: I’ll be good ;.;
: Damn right. Besides he’s very sexy.
: Any girls on that thing?
: No, unfortunately, I’m the only girl that plays any MMORPG anywhere.
: But I see girl’s all the time on that game.
: …well. If I’m the only girl…that means.
: OMFG. That’s WEIRD. Durina’s a DUDE! AHHHH!!!
: Yep. Homo.
: AAHHHH!!!

: Hey hey hey! Yes, that game is a sausage-fest, but there are other girls that really do play. Does Durina get moody all the time?
: ..yea
: Girl. Definite girl.
: That was low.
: Go suck a troll butt, hedgehog.
: :>

: …uh. So you go around and kill things. Doesn’t that get boring? The same thing over and over and over?

: Ha ha! No no no! Every 2 levels you go to your class trainer, and learn new skills.
: So now I learn new skills to kill things mindlessly?
: Yeah pretty much.
: Wait. Whoa. Class? WTF is a class?

CHAPTER 2: CLASSES OMG

: Sweet Jesus we’re into chapters.
: This game is farking hooge, okay. There’s a lot to talk about.

: Okay. Where to start? I guess the first thing you need to know about is factions.
: *blink*

: The “story” in world of Warcraft has two major factions at WAR with each other. Hence the title: WAR Craft.
: lols
: lol

: You have ALLIANCE vs HORDE. DUN-DUN-DUN. The alliance have:

Humans:

Night-Elves:

Dwarfs:

And Gnomes:

And in the BLUE CORNER, we have horde:
Orc:

Troll:

Tauren:

And Undead:

: Hey this gives me an idea!
Bring out yer dead!
I’m not dead yet!

: Arugh! I think I’m that much stupider.

: Okay, now we get into classes!
: Actually we should probably talk about armor first.
: *groan* You do it.
: I’ll make this quick. 4 types of armor: Cloth, Leather, Mail, and Plate. Each increasing in protection value in the order I listed them. Only certain classes can wear certain types of armor, or in some cases, only at certain levels.

: Now we can move onto CLASSES. I’m just gonna name everything and get more specific in a second.
Warrior
Rogue
Priest
Mage
Warlock
Hunter
Druid
Paladin
Shaman

: …K
: Everything’s pretty much self-explanatory but I’ll get into it.

: I wanna explain Warrior!
: …wow…such a surprise…

: Warrior. You bash things. And, when you’re done bashing things, you bash them some-more! You get to start off with the most protection armor: Mail, and at level 40, you can train to use Plate. YOU. ARE. A. TANK. Taking on 2 baddies your level is normal, and people cower at your feet.

: Rogue. Stealth is the key. You’re only allowed to wear leather, but you do fast damage. At later levels you learn to coat your weapons with poison so damage happens over time (DOT – Damage over time) while your onslaught of attacks continues. You also learn neat things like knocking someone out for 30 seconds while you take on someone else. Taking on multiple enemies your level at the same time is rather difficult to accomplish, but it’s easy to vanish from a sticky situation.

: …So should I do priest...or you?

: A priest? I…wtf I’ve never touched a Priest…
: FINE. A priest. You can only wear cloth, but you have a spell that increases your armor. Not as much as a leather wearer but….yeah! Anywho: More or less the healer of the group. That doesn’t mean they can’t solo. Later on you can actually spec yourself to shadow (talents points you get at level 10, 1 for each level after that you can use to make happy happen). Or, well, if you’re going to be in a group you can spec yourself to do better healing. But, uh, soloing as a healing priest (Holy) is hard. Very. Very hard.

: Okay I got Mage and Warlock!
: …you are so typical

: Mage! It’s like the cloth wearing / spell caster warrior. Cloth only but they get a spell that makes it “kinda” like leather. Mage’s can’t take damage for shit, but they deal great amount of damage. I mean, you’re supposed to nuke their balls off from far away and kill them before they get close. Hell! They have a spell that freezes them in place so you can run away and blast them. The other really cool things with Mages is that you can teleport to major cities. Which is: AWESOME when you need to go to and from some place. No other class has this. So. That’s something to think about.

And WARLOCK is “kinda” like a mage, cloth only, only their attacks are more Shadow based, and they have more DOTs. Cloth only, but…again spell that’s kinda like leather.They also summon demons to be their mini nukes / tanks to do their work for them. While their pet pisses the bad guys off all to hell so they focus on the pet and only the pet (Aggro) the Warlock nukes them with Shadowblast, and puts 2 DOTs on them. Lots of fun HE HE HE.

: Okay Hunter’s Mine. Leather to start out with, but you can learn mail later. They’re more or less the non magical Warlock. A hunter can go out at level 10 and train a pet from any animal bad guy, and then that pet’s on their side. You have more choice in “what” kind of a pet you want. What I mean is, you can get a “rogue” kind of pet, or a tank….etc etc. However, you have to feed them so they’re “happy” and do more damage…and won’t run away in the middle of a battle. Which….really

Really

Sucks.

But, it’s easy to keep them happy. While the aggro’s on your pet you stand back and blast them to hell with your arrows or bullets. The shooting is a lot faster then a Warlock’s Shadowbolt…Where as Warlocks don’t have to feet their pet…but….Hunters do more damage close up. You decide.

Druid’s kind of neat / weird as in the fact only one race on each faction can be a druid. Night-Elfs and Tauren. I don’t know why only one race can be it. It makes no sense to me.

: It’s like how only Chinese People can be in the laundry business and Mexicans can only mow lawns. It’s a racial thing.
: WHAT?
: And how Jews are so good with money! Oh! And how Christian’s think they’re better than everybody! It just doesn’t work for other things!

: Can Night-Elfs be jews?

: NO. Wario, you are FUCKED UP!
: What?! It’s true!

: But, ANYWAYS….Druids are the back-up class. Well, in a nutshell. They can shape-shift into different things to be like a tank, rogue, or their normal Druid form can be a healer. It’s really complicated in choosing which one to be at any given time so I’ve heard they’re the most complicated…but can really pull the group out of a pinch if their healer dies or tank…whatever. And, at level 30 you turn into a kitty and you can run like a bitch! Zoom zoom zoom! Let’s see your Orc Warrior do that, fatso!

: I can just buy a mount at 40 and speed past your sorry ass!
:…a…mount?

Aside: My roll in this one sucks ass. I’m the stupid plot device so they have a POINT in explaining this! Why can’t I be someone that knows things! Look! Look back! I don’t think I’ve helped in this conversation other than be the fucking plot device! I want ONE LINE where I don’t ask a question! JUST ONE!

: Did you hear something?
: NAAAAaah.

: *SIGH*

: Anyways, Nack, because you asked and now I feel compelled to tell you…

: Aside: Where the fuck did his accent go?
: I’ll explain more on that later.
: Aside: My GOD, has he gotten fatter?
: Okay buddy?
: Aside: GOOD LORD, HE HAS! THE FAT. THE FAAAT.

: *clearly reading from a script* Oh. MY. GOD. WARIO. CANYOUplease TELL ME about Paladins and SHA-MANS? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLS =)
Aside: I hate my job.

: I’m-a glad you asked, Nack!
: Aside: WTF there’s his accent! O.o;;

: Each…uh….fiction….fashion….fishious?
: Faction! Faction you blow-hard! Each FACTION has one class specific. Alliance can only be Paladins and Horde can only be Shamans. And, even more so, only Humans and Dwarfs can be Paladins and only Trolls, Tauren, and Orcs can be Shamans.

: …..
: …I said: Only Trolls and Tauren can be-
: I’m not asking a fucking question so you can explain it.
: *nervous smile, talking through his teeth* Dude what the hell…we need you to act like you don’t know anything so this works…*teeth grinding now*
; FINE. JeezeBasswhydon’tyoutellmeaboutthose shamdins-thingies *pout*

: Paladins are like a mix of Warriors and Priests. They can wear mail and hurt things, while they have healing. However Warriors do more damage and the priest heals better. But it’s the middle of the road if you don’t know which one to pick.

And Shamans are kinda the same thing, except more reliant on their magical skills. They can only wear leather, but they can summon totems. And Totems are

: OH MY GOODNESS, BASS, WHAT ARE TOTEMS?!?!?!?
: …you uh…didn’t need to ask on that.
: Hey I haven’t been on in a while.

BOOBS.

: *left eye twitch* Totems are….wodden…things that have a radius in which their specific cast…generates. Wow that was complicated. Let’s say one totem is meant to blast fire. So you place a totem down and it blasts fire one time in a restricted area around it. Then you place a healing totem down, and the healing effects only “go out” so far. Does that make sense my young, impressionable friend.

: Yes. Actually. Oddly enough.

: ….Holy shit! Are we done! Are we done!!?

: Well, I still need to talk about the professions. Which are 2 special skills anyone can learn to make / do different things. Like…make potions…or make stuff beter...or make stuff. More or less. Yeah. I don’t wanna get into it because….my lips hurt from talking.

: Now?! NOW ARE WE DONE?

: We need to talk about the best part of the game! Going into groups and going into…

DUN DUN DUN!!

Chapter 3: Elites, Dungeons, and You!

: I’m going to go to McDonalds. Talk to this stuffed doll until I get back. *hops in car, drives away*

: Uh…
: Uh…
: Uh…
: Uh…so…mr…..fluffy-bunny-kins…what do you think about Elites?
: …..
: You don’t say?
: …
: Uh huh.
: ….
: …
: ….!!!
: *BLAST BLAST BLAST!!!*
: *Charred* :’<

: What the hell was that about?
: It looked at me funny! O.O;;
: Like I said, or at least I think I said. Like I should of said: The best part of this game is going around with other people and killing things.

Well, there’s a certain type of bad guy, that has a ton more health and does a lot more damage. Let’s take a regular level 10. If you were level 12, a level 10 would be a push over. If you took on a level 10 special guy, called an Elite, at level 12 you might actually loose. And, dungeons are stacked with elites. They’re everywhere! So, you need to get in a group with other people and kick some ass!

Dungeons also drop lots of rare items. And…Rare items kick ass! Everybody loves rare items!

: Dungeons are usually huge too, and will take 3 hours to finish. You also make some close friends by doing these.

: Oh! Shit shit! One thing real quick! Some items are rare or whatever and you “roll” on them. Which means a number is randomly generated between 1 and 100 and who ever gets the highest roll gets that item. And, some items are bind on pickup (can’t give ‘em away). So, unless you NEED the item, don’t roll! Or, unless the group’s okay with cloth wearers rolling for mail or warriors rolling for stuff they don’t use. That’s the quickest way to make enemies! And, there’s some intense end-game content where you form MASSIVE groups in MASSIVE dungeons… You want to go to these! They won’t invite you if you’re a greedy bastard!

Chapter 4: Other things that don’t need to be talked about so freaking much!

: The game is huge! There’s two main continents filled to the BRIM with overly detailed levels of every single season, plant, wild-life you could think of. Billions and billions of bad guys of every shape-and color. I’ve had it for well over a month, and I STILL haven’t seen everything!

Some RPGs boast 48 hours of game play. BAH. World of Warcraft…is like….2 weeks of NEW gameplay…with ONE class! If you played every single class up to the highest level (60), it’s probably well over a month of new new new stuff!

: And, real quick, we gotta talk about PVP. And they different type of servers.
One type of server is a PVP server. Player Vs Player. Which means outside Horde or Alliance territory, anybody can fight ANYBODY at ANYTIME for ANY REASON. You’re not only playing with other people, you’re also playing against them. The only down side of this is other higher level players killing lower level characters. And, if you just wanna quest and some 60 comes along and back-stabs your sorry ass, it gets kind of annoying.

: Yeah! But if you want a good challenge away from that care-bear shit of collecting meat and killing wimpy stuff, you can take on other people to the DEATH. It’s a great way to feel like you’re doing something, when you’re really not doing anything! Plus, it’s a great way to learn how to be racist! You just hate any alliance for any reason! Even if they didn’t bug you, you STILL kill them! It’s like going back to the 1900s! Only instead of hating black people, you hate the opposite faction!

: Dude. That was wrong.

: So was doing your mom. But it felt sooooo right. XD
: Mommy? ;.;

; Yes, well…if only pvping when you want to sounds like a good idea: try a PVE or RP (where you role play your character) server. A player vs Environment sever. Only if you WANT to pvp will you. Of course, if someone else doesn’t have their PVP turned on, you can’t PVP with them. If you walk into the opposite faction territory, your pvp WILL be turned on and you’re free game. Have fun :D

: Pretty much this game hook’s me in as: learning new skills, finding new stuff to buy / wear for my dude. And, all the people you meet! Maybe even some hot babes. Rawr.

: The only down side is that it’s 15 bucks a month to play.

: ….ow.
: Plus you BUY the game for 50.
: Double Ow.
: But you get one free month with the buying of the game.
: Not so much ow.

: I give it a 10/10
: Here here. It’s definitely worth the money.

: *comes back in with a milkshake* Did I miss anything important...WTF happened to Mr. Snickerdoo?!

: *on fire*
: Uh...Wario did it.

: ME?! Why you little!

: I WILL DEVOUR YOUR SOUL.