ROFL SPOILER WARNING.

Our pay was cut nearly in half! In half I tell you! *drops to knees and starts sobbing uncontrollably*

*grabs Wario by the suspenders and throws him into a chair* Hey! You should be grateful we got our old jobs back!

And I'm just glad I'm in something!

*has hands in face and is still crying* Oh you don't understaaaaaand! I was the star! THE STAR! I had a girlfriend! And....and I was amazing!!!

: *walks in* Hey guys did I miss anything?

*everyone looks over*

Who are you?

And what's with the pot leaf on your head?

I'm Silver! The new hedgehog craze in the new Sonic game! I'm here to help you review it!

*quirks a brow* Yeah? And-a what makes you think you are worthy enough to be on the same show with-a WARIO!

*throws out his hands and Wario is lifted off the ground*

Nack and Bass: OOOOoOOooooooo!!

That's AWESOME! Do me next!

Anyone care to let me down.

No way! I saw him first! I get to be next!

HELLO?!

NO ME!

GOD DAMMIT!!

orite. *drops Wario on his head*

*WHUNK*

Alright. Sonic the Hedgehog 2006.

*picks himself up* No Wario. It blows. The end.

*holds his head* Ohhhhh....I had almost forgotten.

What? That doesn't even make any sense? It's a Sonic game why would Wario be in it at all?

IT DOESN'T-A MATTER! I JUST SHOULD BE!

.....you're weird.

DAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Hey! Hey! Over here! Sonic game! Lol?

Okay, before we start getting into the mechanics of the game. There's something I need to get off my chest.

You're coming out?

No you tub of lard, I'm talking about all the ridiculous reasons people knock this game. And, I'm sick and tired of hearing it!

Such as?

My favorite: "Sonic games were all about speed. The 3D games are NOTHING like the 2D games". And to that I have to say, YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY! I'm sorry all you IDIOTS that have said that: Have you played Sonic 1, 2, or 3? Did you?! HUH?!

Well I mean - C'mon. You ran a lot in those, man.

You ran a lot in the 3D games too! Did you forget marble zone where you had to push blocks on buttons to get past certain areas. Oh shit, the Labyrinth zone? The was a very puzzle oriented level. Saying the 3D games are NOTHING like the old games is a crock of shit and I want it to stop! Every time you say it you kill an angel! It's just WRONG people!

Well what about the loops and stuff. In the 3D games you don't even have to hold the controller to go through the loops. It's-a fun and cool looking, but it's pretty sad.

Again, another classic statement from IDIOTS.

I'm not stupid ;.;

For thinking that...You ARE! In the old Sonic games you would still have to hold RIGHT to go through loops. Now, in the 3D games you have to hold UP. It's a different direction but it's the same damn thing!

*picking his teeth* What? Why is everyone looking at me? I just came on to the scene, I never even played those games.

Well what should we start on. Gameplay? Story? Music? Voice acting? Cut Scenes?

Story. It drives the gameplay.

Okay - the story. Uhm. You know the story was kinda -iffy-. There's a lot of things that don't really add up. In the beginning Elise (the new pair of tits in the game) has a vision and trips out thinking the world's on fire...for...some...reason. Then Sonic comes in and she thinks he's Silver. How? What? That doesn't make any sense. The only time Silver is even with Elise is in the past and her eyes are closed the whole time!

Yeah yeah yeah - minor set back. Okay here's the skinny. Flames of disaster cool. Eggman wants them. Kidnaps Elise. Sonic goes to save the day. Shadow - working for GUN (for some reason). Releases a new bad guy: Mephiles. Mephiles is all like: WAAAR. ME NO LIKE YOU! POOF! TO THE FUTURE WITH YOU! Then Rouge and Shadow do it. A lot. Aaaaannnnndddd thhhheeeeeennn....*picks his nose*

*shoves Wario out of the way* AND THEN Shadow goes after Mephiles, trying to track him down. It's obvious by now Mephiles wants the chaos emeralds and says he wants to fuse with Iblis to become a bad ass. Then you beat him but he comes back and...Shadow goes super saiyan and his story ends abruptly without any reasoning. Then Silver...

MY WORLD has been taken over by Iblis and it's up to me and Blaze to save my world! Mephiles appears as a Shadow re-color and says Sonic is the one who screwed everyone over and takes us to the past to kill him.

Why doesn't Mephiles just kill him, himself?

Uh? Then I would have no reason to be in the game! I get tricked into doing his dirty work and Amy mistakes me for Sonic and grabs my man boobs. It's okay though - I liked it! Blaze is a man hating dyke so I get some loving :D :D :D

Bass and Wario: O.o

RIGHT. UHM. *koff* I find out Sonic is bad. And help him do stuff. Then - uh...go to the past with Shadow then the present then the future and defeat Iblis. And Blaze somehow contains Iblis in herself and goes to a different dimension for some reason. I guess to explain Sonic Rush? I don't effing know.

Then the LAST scene Mephiles is by himself and lusting over a chaos emerald. Even though Shadow just whopped his ass. Uh? Whatever. Then Mephiles KILLS Sonic saying the whole reason for doing that was to make Elise CRY to release the flames of disaster.

But I was trying to kill him this whole time and I couldn't and Mephiles does it in ONE move! ONE MOVE! C'MON!

Yes...Mephiles has the power to kill Sonic this whole time but wanted Silver to do it...for...some....reason. Whatever. Anyways the flames of disaster are released and Solaris is born again. Then everyone finds the dragon balls, wishes Sonic back, and goes super saiyan killing Solaris omfg yey.

That last level SUCKED. Trying to find the Chaos emeralds. NASTY.

YEAH LIKE THAT ONE TIME--

Shut up no one likes you.

:'(

I dunno. The plot is okay. A lot of things don't make sense. They screw with time. But...to be honest. It seems rushed and nothing is really explained. Mephiles asks Silver to kill Sonic for some unknown reason. Mephiles is pissed because Shadow captures Mephiles and turns into himself. Eggman wants the flames of disaster. Sonic...whatever. It's too complicated and too many things run into each other. Just a down the middle of the road 5 is all this plot gets.

I agree. Nothing spectacular but it's not terrible.

HEY GAMEPLAY! OKAY PLAYING AS ME IS FREAKING SWEET! You can move shit with your M-I-I-I-I-I-I-ND!!!! Catch bullets! Throw enemies into each other!

*pushes Silver aside* HEY HEY HEY! You have to start out as Sonic so we’ll start out with Sonic!

*trying desperately to get back in the spotlight* SONIC?! He's last year's hedgehog! I'm the new star! I'm already in Sonic Rivals! I will be a legend! I'm going to have my own game and brand of SHOE! I'M THE ONE...ME ME ME ME!!!

*Tackles Silver*

NOOOOOO! MY PUBLIC NEEDS ME!!!

*takes a frying pan and whacks Silver upside the head*

WAAAAACK

DUUUUUUH :B *passes out*

Whump

*AHEM* Anyways. Gameplay. Uh. Rushed. A lot. The whole gimmick is being able to play 3 different characters. Sonic has the basic run, jump, bash things, repeat until dead. There are a LOT of bugs playing as Sonic. When you first start the game as Sonic you're running then you surf along the water with your...shoes? Okay? What the hell is that about? Anyways sometimes you can't hit the speed boosts or if you do it sends you into the NEVER ENDING VOID OF WATER!

Because in THIS GAME...Water is HORRIBLE! Don't TOUCH IT! If it's more than a foot deep it WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY. RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!! *deep breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

But wait - there's more. While playing as Sonic you have the chance to play as last minute characters brought into the scene on a weekend. Like Tails! Tails is now slow as HELL unless you're flying. His flying is hard to control and if you're on the ground it goes first person and you throw - FAKE RING BOXES.

Whaaaaaaaaat?

YES. Fake ring boxes! It turns into like a first person shooter and you throw a box. But you don't get to see where it goes! Because when you let go of the button to throw something - it goes 3rd person! And you just HOPE it hit it! Of course you can just rapid fire the throw button and it won't go first person at all and MAYBE it will hit something.

What about his tail swipe in Sonic Adventure?

Doesn't have it.

Okay can he at least JUMP on stuff like in the OLD Sonic games?

He forgot.

....That....That is -gay-.

I mean sure you can fly in the air and drop a million of those fake ring boxes. But there's no way to aim!

WAIT WAIT WAIT! In first person mode do you get a cross hair to at least give you an IDEA of where it's going?

Nope.

*takes game and throws it out the window* Fuck this.

Wait you might want to keep that! You only play as Tails once or twice!

*runs to the window and looks out* AAAUUUGH! Why did we have to build this thing on top of a mountain! *jumps out after it*

*runs to the window* Whooo! Lookit him go!

*squints* Oh That's gonna hurt later. And that. And that. And.....eeewwwww.

- ALSO along with Tails you get to play as Knuckles. And this is where I think the games looses MAJOR points. Knuckles can climb on walls....OPEN PALM. What the HELL! Knuckles climbs on walls with his KNUCKLES! It's his NAME you idiots! How do you have out of character movements in your OWN GAME! What is THAAAAAT?

Beyond that - Playing as Knuckles is nothing like in Sonic Heroes or Sonic Adventure. It's a pain in the ass and hard as hell to AIM anything. He's kinda slow and his gliding sinks way too fast. I'll give the game points for not looking for emerald shards. I hated that.

There's also levels where you run with Elise in your arms. It's kinda the same as playing solo except now you can make a fire shield appear around you that's supposed to knock stuff away. But you get hit anyways. It's major premise is to help you walk on water and sand.

Sand?

Yeah. You have to time the shield right over the sand or you...go through it. And die.

Through it?

Yeah you kinda- uhm. Fall? All the way down.

*stands on sand* Hey look! I'm not falling through it! *jumps on it* Wow guys! This is so amazing!

*sand worm comes up and eats Nack* OM NOM NOM!

OKAY MY TURN! My levels are fun and you can do a lot of things as me! I'm AWESOME! I HAVE A BLACK-BELT IN KICKING YOUR ASS!!!

*Nack appears. Somehow. stfu.*

SHADOW is next!

The fat man's gone! You can't stop me now! You can't stop me!!!

*climbs in from the window and whacks Silver on the head with the game*

THUNK

Shadow is like a super version of Sonic's levels. You beat up stuff but you rapid fire. Oh, also, you get in vehicles like in "Shadow the Hedgehog".

Aaaagh. That sucks.

Not as bad as you might think! You get big bad vehicles! Like a buggy that shoots missiles or a hang-glider with missiles OR a hovercraft..

Does it have missiles?

You bet your ass it does.

Well that's cool.

You also go super saiyan as Shadow. You turn red and beat the snot out of stuff. Except that's hard to control. One of the things is you're supposed to "blip" to 5 enemies killing them all instantly. Well if it takes more than one hit you just kinda stand there with your cock in the wind ready to take it in the butt. Or sometimes if there's a line of enemies that you have to follow to get to the next area - you'll blip to the one in the middle and die. Every time. Believe me. I know. ¬.¬;;

AND - one thing I want to say about his hovercraft. There's one level. Dusty Desert. Where you HAVE to use it. And if you flip over you go THROUGH the sand and die. Uhm? I'm pretty sure that BUILDING is on the sand why do you go through it like it was WATER? And that desert is bumpy as HELL so you flip over a LOT.

Don't you have to play as Rouge? And Omega? Yeah. He shoots things.

Oh forget this. *tosses game out the window*

Yes but Rouge has huge tits.

....!! *jumps out window* I'm sorry baby! Come baaaaacccck!!

Rouge is kind the same like in Sonic Adventure 2. Except you don't kick. You throw bombs. Her climbing animation makes sense. But...she's pretty pointless to play as. You just kinda....whatever.

*comes out like a scared puppy* Okay...me? My turn? Yes?

*folds his arms* YES. It's your turn now.

Okay! So! I'm really damn slow! But I can pick stuff up and throw stuff around! I'm NOTHING like Sonic or Shadow and it...makes no sense for me to be in the game at all! I can't ram my head into stuff and make it explode! I throw boxes! And...lucky for me...there's plenty of boxes that re-appear for me to throw at people! I can also ride anything! Anything I can stand on I can ride for a couple of seconds! I can fly! And....yeah!

And your amigo character isn't bad to play as.

Who? Blaze?

Yeah?

Yeah! Blaze has this amazing fire tornado move that kicks a lot of ass! She has a homing attack that's kind of hard to control but she's pretty fun to play as! Heh - I thought you meant Amy. Playing as her sucks a nut!

Oh right. Yeah. No. She's terrible. She's slow as hell. When you use the hammer attack you come to a full stop and kinda...whack something. And now she can go completely invisible? Not like Espio invisible. Like...all you an see is her shadow. And when you go visible she stops for a couple seconds. So if you're on a moving platform and go visible you'll probably fall off and die.

*smirk* Did that happen to you?

*AHEM* Maybe...

Maybe yes?

MAYBE A LOT! OKAY!?

Okay okay! D:

Anyways! As far as gameplay goes. They got back to the original Sonic roots. You just press on as every character and you don't have to worry about collecting anything. There's even some super speed stages as Sonic...they're kind of hard to control some times. But....eh...whatever.

*climbs back out and flops on his back* Okay! I got it!

Now where plot and gameplay mix is the town. Town missions. You really only HAVE to do 3 or 4 of them. But there's dozes lying around you can pick up for extra stuff if you beat the game but want extra content. HOWEVER...it's kind of hard to tell where the HELL you are and when they ask you to go somewhere it's like...lol what? Where? So you run around for 20 minutes being lost as hell to accidentally stumble onto where you're supposed to go.

You can also buy power ups for you character. Sonic gets a speed boost and a size changer so you can jump forever. Shadow gets better forms of his red Chaos form or whatever. Silver gets better mind-blast thingies.

And I would totally give this part an 8! While - YES - there a lot of bugs! It's still fun to play around and it's probably the best 3D Sonic game - play wise - yet!...if it wasn't for the horrible loading time!

OMFG. The loading time!

*sighs. Chunks the game out the window*

There are loading screens EVERYWHERE! And it takes a minute each time! It KILLS the pace of the game. It's....terrible! So...for game play we're slapping on a 6.5.

While it is fun in a lot of parts there are far too many bugs to ignore and the loading times make it that much harder. If you can get past the loading times you'll find yourself having a lot of good ol' Sonic fun.

I'm-a take a nap now. Zzzzzz.

*shakes his head* OKAY. Music.

Most of the music fit. It wasn't GREAT like Sonic Heroes. But...it worked for the most part. There are some really awesome tunes. It has it share of boring tunes too. So...I dunno. 7.

Yeah. 7. It's good. It's not GREAT! There's 2 or there really good ones. Silver's theme in awesome.

Thank you. n_n

....but....everyone else....- quit making that face dude.

n_n!!

God you're creepy.

n_n!!!!!!

*fart*

O.@;;;;; *dies*

*with a gasmask* The graphics are amazing. The pre-rendered cut scenes are fantastic.

The voice acting. Well...Here I'll just go down a list.
Sonic: 7
Shadow: 8
Mephiles: 9
Dr. Eggman: 9.5
Elise: 2
Rouge: -3. Yes. Negative 3. Seriously. This bitch CANNOT ACT.
Blaze: 7
Silver: 8
Tails: 5
Knuckles: 6
Amy: 5
Satan: 10
Omega: 8 (He's a robot. He...sounds like a robot. :P)

So for an overall score there are a lot of things that make this a really awesome game. But there are so many...so MANY little bugs and problems that it KILLS it. It could easily be a very good game EVERYONE can enjoy. So....7. Just a solid 7. a C+ or B-. Really.

If you're a Sonic fan you will love this game. If you're a fan of platformers you should rent this game. Should you buy an XBOX 360 for this game? No way. If you're an obsessed idiot like Psy is...well...you already did.

I like Sonic.

That's great, Psy.

I like Sonic.

Uh...huh.

*eyes go different directions* I...Sonic...Like...daaaaaaaaaar

*farts*

: @.o; *dies forever*

Everyone: YAY!





























You forgot the part when Elise totally makes out with Sonic before he goes Super Sonic. Making Elise an animal-loving necrophiliac.