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This way. |
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Down another tunnel. Didn’t we see this damn tunnel 10 seconds ago. |
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No. It’s a different part of the ship. |
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THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME! |
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GWAR I KEEL JOOS!!! |
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*BANG BANG BANG* |
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*hides behind Wario* I HATE when they do that! |
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Hey! Hey! Watch what you’re grabbing there, weasel-boy! |
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Didn’t we just kill that same guy ….10…seconds…ago |
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No. The alien race looks all the same. |
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*hour and a half later of gallivanting around* |
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THIS. IS GETTING. MONOTONOUS. |
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Wario there’s something on your back. |
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*looks over his shoulder* What? Where?! |
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Is it supposed to be blue and pulsating like that? |
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Plasma Bomb! |
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*slow motion* PLASMA BUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- *KA-BOOM!* |
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*tv static* |
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*on the crapper with laptop, typing very slow with his index fingers* And that’s why…Caboose is better than Sarge. |
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*ploop!* |
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*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK* Wario! Do you have your laptop in there looking at porn!
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NO! |
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Then where's your computer?! HUH?! |
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I said nothing about my computer! I'm not looking at porn! |
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Well make sure not to- |
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*SPLASH* |
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...drop....it....in... |
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*outside* Screw him, let's just start this review without him. |
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K |
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Halo 2! The game with more hype than The Simple Life 3! |
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Ooo! They're making a 3rd one? |
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Shut up. |
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You do realize if we give this anything below a 10 we're going to have Lothar and his swarm of Halo 2 minions all stab us in the heart. |
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*Holds shotgun to Nack’s head* I prefer shooting people. |
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.............................................................................................mommy |
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So on the subject of Halo 2. Let me say this. No it's not perfect, but it is really fucking good. |
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Well why don't we knock 'em out one by one. First up is graphics.
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Everything is so shiny @.o |
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I think the graphics are fantastic, it is defiantly one of the best looking games on the xbox. However in the cut scenes there is a little problem |
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Yeah, watching them load from the ground up. I noticed that too.
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Basically at the very beginning of some cut scenes you notice that the textures are still being mapped onto the characters |
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*comes back with toilet paper on foot and a soaked Laptop* They should of loaded them NAKED and then came the clothes! GYHEHEHEHEHEH.
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That's. Great. |
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Bungie explains this by saying it's either this or loading times, I don't like loading times really so I guess I prefer this. It's noticeable but it doesn’t affect the game at all, so it's not really an issue. Minor annoyance. |
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Yes, but for a split second is does ruin the whole "in the story world" thing. I kept being brought back to reality going: WTF is tha- oh. |
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True, but when they do load, they're very impressive. |
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I still say naked. |
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Cortana's naked |
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: > |
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She's also a computer program. Not real. |
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:'< |
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Well you can't look at the PORN of her on your computer!!!! LOOK WHAT YOU DID!! |
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Story! Story story story. Hey! Look at me! I'm a different topic! |
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Ah yes the story.
The story is really quite good, but in some places hard to follow.
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I think this is the best damn story in the best damn thing damn better star wars blows. |
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And the "ending" is FUCKING annoying. |
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GYAH. You mean cliff hanger. That's like...WORSE than Lord of the Rings!
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Very
But I like the actual story itself
Once you actually sit and think about it it really is quite interesting
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Yes, the story. I think I would caulk that one up to the game play. |
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Isn't caulk what the use for sealing ships? |
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...Chalk. Chal...Cjlkjakldjaskljaskldsjas |
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Hey cool, I gave him a mental breakdown. |
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HEHEHEHHEEH caulk. |
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So in short, story good, ending annoying. |
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I really liked the story as well. It has really deep, profound meanings you can learn to apply to yourself. Master Chief is the hero and the theme of "never giving up" and doing whatever it takes to save your friends and beliefs is well represented.
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Plus we get the Covenant side |
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While the Arbiter is trying to find faith in yourself. |
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It really is quite interesting to see the Covenant side of things
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Then there's the Flood! And Civil War! |
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The flood.
See now initially I thought that was kind of lazy
But it's actually part of the overall Halo universe story so I guess that makes it OK
But
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Yeah. I didn't wanna see those guys again. But - yeah.
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Playing against the flood is BORING
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I-a think that's "1 player" We're still on story.
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I could talk about the story all day
But we have other topics to discuss
So what’s next?
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Anyways. Music. I'm not much of a person for this type of music. But everything was so well done. And, I'll be dammed if the opening theme doesn't make me jizzle in my hizzle. |
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Oh yeah |
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....I never want to hear the words jizzle come out of your mouth again.
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JIZZLE!!!!!! |
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*TURNS TO STONE* |
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I love the music
I'm buying the soundtrack when I get paid
And you are so not black
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WAIT?! WHAT'S THIS ABOUT MONEY (NIGGAH)!?!?!??! |
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Yeah the soundtrack is really quite good, it really helps set the mood
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For sex. |
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…
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And the voce acting. God damn! It puts some MOVIES to shame! |
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In one level you area traveling in forerunner facilities and getting some info on the story and you get monk chanting as you learn what’s happening
While another, in the Civil War levels, metal music.
Voice acting I agree with.
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I saw that DVD! That twern’t no monks. It was a bunch of High School drop outs in t-shirts and sweaters. XDDD
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No I think that was your family reunion video. |
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Owch. And the ref takes a point away. |
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I gotta bitch about 1 player though.
While the graphics, story, and voice-acting are top notch. 1 Player got really repetitive in some parts. All the bad guys are the same model pretty much.
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Well it's the same in any game.
I mean what your favorite game?
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I wanna say Megaman and Bass. But it's probably Mario 64 or RPG.
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And your saying that the same turtles mushrooms, bombs and whatever in every Mario game isn't repetitive?
Plus there are new enemies in Halo 2 that were not in Halo 1.
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Iiiiiiiieeeeeee...uiiijijrrr......bllllllllllluuuhhhhhh. I'm talking about the same level, with the same 4 bad guys popping out of the side of the walls every 2 minutes for an hour and a half for ONE level. Mario 64's levels didn't take THAT long.
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Yeah, but the Halo guys have better A.I.
Just like in Halo 1, the A.I is great
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Hey! Mario 64 DS! I'm in that! |
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YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH! YOU SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTH AND NEVER OPEN IT AGAIN!! |
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GYEHEHEHEHEH!!! |
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Enemies will hide for cover, issue orders, try to outflank you, and fall back when under fire.
Plus when you kill an Elite, the Grunts run away scared.
That’s just plain funny.
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The Ai is very well programmed. Just some parts, where it was just a hallway or open circle, was really really boring. But, on the same token, there was some really intense moments. I guess. Jerk. |
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Especially on the higher difficulty levels
The first level takes about half an hour on normal
On Heroic difficulty it took me over an hour because I had to outthink and outgun my enemies.
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And Multi-player's all you buddy. I'm too damn good and keep whooping these loser’s asses. Plus, I can't afford Xbox live. You got that? So....take it away!
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Well
Basically if you have Xbox Live, you need this game
It's that simple
It's easy to get into and fun to play
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Damn. I WISH I GOT PAID. BY A CERTAIN WEBMASTER. HMMMMMM.
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Shove it. |
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And working out the strategies for what work on what map and what weapon combos to use.
The maps are varied and look great
And this isn’t even mentioning the new features that Halo 2 brings to single and multiplayer
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Can't you play as an Elite now?
<---- this thing
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Yep when you create a profile you can choose to be a Spartan (master chief model) or a Covenant elites
Plus you can customize your armour colour and what symbols to have on your armour.
It's not quite like creating an individual identity for the game but it’s close.
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You crazy Brits. "Armour" "Colour" You-a make me laugh. I like you. |
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Now lets talk about the 2 best new features for multiplayer and single player
Dual Wielding
And Boarding
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Buuuuh this relates to what....? |
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Basically
If a gun can be held in one hand
You can carry it plus another
Example, you could carry a Covenant Plasma rifle in one hand, plus a human SMG in the other
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Like this *two SMGS*
*taps Lothar on the shoulder*
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Plasma Rifle for taking down shields, SMG for finishing them off-...
*punches him in the nose*
I'm talking.
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AH! WHY YOU DIRTY LITTLE BLACK KNUCKLES RIP OFF. I'M-A GONNA TURN YOU INTO SWISS CHEESE! *RAPID FIRE*
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*all the bullets miss* |
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SMG's have crap accuracy |
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Well. Shit. |
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As for boarding
You ever played a multiplayer game where someone just used a Ghost as a lawnmower and ran everyone over?
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YES |
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Now with the new vehicle models you can do two things
1) blow em up as ALL the vehicles are destructible now
Or more preferable, walk up, hit X and yank the driver out of the seat and take the vehicle for yourself
Yes, even the Banshee aircraft.
And the tanks.
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HEY! Wario told me that was just a rumor! That's why you kept winning! |
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Uh. I need to. ....get....some......*RUNS AWAY* |
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Okay! Well thanks for being the guest speaker. Anything you'd like to scream before we go? |
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Basically I just want to summarize, Halo 2 is GREAT, not perfect, but great. And I'll take on all comers over Xbox Live. FEAR MY BATTLE RIFLE BITCHES!
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Lothar Hex on Xbox live, right? |
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Lothar Hex. Yes. |
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Story: 10
Pro: Absolutely Fantastic. Horribly deep and very profound that touches you at the very core. The basic themes of never giving up and plowing through all your demons no matter the cost are values well represented and personified through the main character: Master Chief. Looking back on yourself and who you are, while trying to fight for the greater good is seen in the mirror image game play: The Arbiter. Civil War, Global War, and a virus that threatens to eliminate all life, as we know it! This game’s got everything! A true epic that George Lucas should take notes from.
Con: None.
Graphics: 9
Pro: This game is beautiful. The levels are huge, meticulously and obsessively designed with key elements to detail. The real time game play puts Final Fantasy’s Full Motion Videos to shame. Now that’s saying something.
Con: While very pretty, when they cut to something else, you would see it load up from the basic elements. While this is still very small, it still seems like a mistake that cut me off from this fantasy world I was so deep into. For just a split second, I was thrown back into reality going: What the hell is going on? That’s enough to keep it from getting a perfect done, but not enough to do any real damage.
Music: 10
Pro: The music fits the game perfectly. Not only that, but there are some songs that are absolutely stunning and convey such strong emotion, I can almost reach out and touch them. I wish I could give it higher than 10. But, alas…
Con: HAHAHAHHAAH. Con with Halo’s music. That’s funny.
Voice Acting: 10
Pro: Good GOD! Such raw emotion and power behind every single line; the voice acting is incredible! If not, the best in any game I’ve ever played…ever!
Con: None!
1 Player: 7
Pro: Huge levels, a never ending swarm of very well programmed A.I., split game-play between Master Chief and The Arbiter. You would think there would be nothing bad about this…
Con: BUT. With such huge levels, it becomes extremely repetitive and monotonous. All the bad guys are the same character models, so you really see nothing different. The weapons for a level are all basically the same, so it’s nothing really new. The first 15 minutes of a level are always intense and very fun. But, when a single level takes and hour to an hour and a half of gunning down the same bad guys, it gets really boring really fast. Not only that, but the game play cuts off right at the end with a cliffhanger. There’s no real resolve and Bungie’s pretty much laughing at you: “HAHAHAHAH – Buy another game if you wanna know anything, bitch!”
Multi-Player: 9
Pro: The basic focus of multi-player should be to have fun with a large group of people. Or, just with another friend. I think Halo 2 captures this element. And, apparently if you have Xbox live you need this game. :P
Con: However, if you’re playing someone that’s very advanced or un-familiar with the game it won’t be that fun. You pretty much have to be someone that knows what (s)he’s doing at all times to even survive. You just can’t pick it up while being over at a friend of a friend’s house and have a good time. Sure, your two friends are blasting each other all to hell, but you’re left exploding and being caught in the cross fire just so they can laugh at your kill count later.
Final Score: 9/10
“Basically I just want to summarize, Halo 2 is GREAT, not perfect, but great”.
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Everybody is so shiny. :3 |
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*takes Lothar’s hat* Now I have two hats! One for my head! And, one for my butt! |
